“Anger is the most powerful human emotion that can be felt when it is at its highest expression of being triggered. It will overwrite love, common sense, and any other emotion in that moment. People do terrible things when angry, but humans also do amazing things with their anger. The choice is up to the individual” ~ Crestina Drew
So, I’m all about learning to love EVERYTHING about myself. That means going within (surprise, surprise) and meeting the parts of myself that are not so pretty or easy to live with. I recently participated in a 3-day workshop that taught us the in depth working of parts therapy combined with bringing the spiritual practice of presence to those parts.
And wow was I blown away! I went with two intentions 1. Of hopefully walking away “finally” loving myself, because no matter the fact that I knew where it had originated from, I found that I was still extremely critical and judgemental of myself, especially my figure and I could see how much my confidence was struggling to build back up because of it… And 2. Figure out what was really holding me back, because even though I had found acceptance and relative peace in my day-to-day life… I had accepted most of the trauma and the major life experiences I had gone through, I found that there was a layer of resistance within my depths that I just couldn’t seem to penetrate no matter how much I poked at it when triggered. It felt like a blanket had been thrown over “something” and I couldn’t seem to see what it was… I was questioning myself constantly, like is there something that has happened that I have blocked or is it such a deep layer of the same wounding that maybe I’d have to wait years before it arose to be processed. Me being me, I couldn’t wait! It was holding me back I could feel it!
Anyway, I went, and I was totally committed to surrendering and discovering anything I could about myself. Through doing this experience I learnt what was under that blanket, the moment it blew off took my breathe away and I had tears pouring down my face in silent wonder at the same moment I felt my aura burn with white hot RAGE, white hot pure bubbling rage… At first totally undefined or directed at anything or anyone in particular… But over the course of the 3 days, I discovered where it had come from and from whom. However, in the end as always it comes back to the fact that I never held strong enough boundaries and I always settled for less than I knew I deserved. I would over look red flags because I wanted to feel wanted, I wanted validation that I was a good person.
Also, what I had been doing since my mid-twenties was bypassing my anger. When I had learnt (through years of counselling) that when I was feeling anger it was a defensive reaction to pain, it was me being hurt by something that was triggering and so I would get angry… I then learnt how to control this reaction so well that I would get angry and then automatically stop. I would go quiet; I would leave the situation to cool down. When I was alone, I would figure out why? Why was I angry, why was I hurt… Though this was and still is and effective strategy for coping in conflict, I have realised that anger has a place. It has a purpose and is needed and extremely needed to be expressed. I quickly discovered that for over 15 years, my anger had re-built up into a raging inferno and I had not been effectively utilising it.
By saying utilising, I mean using anger as the fuel behind some of my creativity, behind being assertive and discerning with my decisions and reactions. Since I have discovered that anger a few months ago it has taken some time to be integrated into my new programming, into the new definition of “self” that has been created over the last 3 years of my life. It has now started fuelling my confidence! Because by using it productively I’ve noticed that I have been allot more assertive in the workplace, I have had the courage to propose my talents outside of my job description and gotten the green light, I have stood up for myself from people unconsciously undermining me... and it has felt incredible! I’ve given it a voice, an expression! It doesn’t feel like it’s being bypassed but considered and integrated into a heathy and diplomatic response, instead of being pushed away. You see anger is the emotional response that tells you that you have been hurt, it is needed and it’s doing a good job by doing that. However, what is important is how you manage anger.
There is 100% a positive and effective way of expressing anger, diplomatically and yet still validating to the anger itself. When you can recognise that by allowing your anger to be there, you are trusting yourself to protect and validate your injury. However, becoming more conscious of why your angry, and the reasons and are they justifiable or based on irrelevant patterns… is extremely important. This is where doing “the work” is important. Once you understand your wounding and triggers, being able to recognise if anger is justifiable and relevant to the current circumstances or is it based on old prejudices and beliefs is very important.
In society there is such a negative conception or perception of anger. It’s understandable since most people have never had access or guidance in learning to manage that and other powerful emotions. Therefore, horrible things have been done in anger. Lots of us have grown up with angry parents and have shouldered years of ill treatment at the hands of angry people. So fair enough but becoming conscious and creating a more conscious world means that we acknowledge this and make a concerted effort in changing it, doing so is also our responsibility. The wound may not be our fault, but its our responsibility to heal the damage so that we don’t create more wounds in others.
When all my kids started expressing huge angry outbursts at the pre-teen ages, I sat down and had conversations with them around anger and emotions. I told them that anger was one of the biggest emotions that us humans feel, it one of the most powerful and strongest sensations. It can over ride everything when it is completely out of control and it can hurt others and yourself in very cruel ways if allowed to be used for revenge. However, it can also be used as a very powerful source of fuel to drive you to do some of the best things in your life. Use it to fuel yourself to create big moves and big positive changes… I explained that as you grow through your teens, you’re going to start not only experiencing anger but other big emotions and effectively you will spend the next 5 to 10 years learning coping mechanisms for how to mange them effectively. Learning how to manage those emotions in healthy ways, will be the most important thing we can teach our young people.
Anger is a fascinating emotion or sensation really… if I could contain it in a test tube and study it I would! Its literally one of the most powerful energetic vibrations that can be felt. I mean when someone is angry around you, whether its because of you or no can you not literally feel the air around them? I can feel it a mile away.
I hope you enjoyed this read!
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Thanx
Crestina Drew
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