Depression! What a loaded word! How many different energies does it evoke when you hear it or say it!
What would you say if I threw out the concept that depression is a very much needed experience for human evolution! That its a natural process of adjustment to big changes, regardless of whether the changes are perceived as good or bad.
For me the feelings around the experience of depressions have changed through my life, each decade it seemed to evolve in meaning and a deeper understanding of who I was and why I even existed. When I was in my teens, there was fear and confusion associated with it, it was a dark painful and lonely space that I did everything I could to avoid. I didn't understand what was happening to me and I had no-one to talk to about it. I only allowed myself to process the easier stuff, but mainly I escaped it with drugs. I remember coining the experience as "As I walk through the valley in the shadow of death". When I was in my 20's is was something that I had overcome, like some big monumental challenge, I coined that "The Rose the grew from concrete" and in my early 30's it was there again after the birth of my youngest daughter and again it was a "problem" or more concrete that I had to deal with! And now in my late thirties its changed yet again! 2.5 years ago it started off as the same recognition of "here we go, this place again" lets start the "battle" of overcoming or digging myself out of this hole or space again, some liken it to hitting rock bottom and really it's what it feels like... BUT now on the other side of it "again", I have completely change my perspective and understanding of the "process" of a depression.... read that last part again! = The process of A depression...
The Definition of "Depression" in the context of Psychiatry: A mental condition characterized by feelings of severe despondency and dejection, typically also with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, often accompanied by lack of energy and disturbance of appetite and sleep.
Other Meanings:
- The action of lowering something or pressing something down. - A sunken place or hollow on a surface.
I am including the definitions here because I want it's meaning clear.
Generally when we as humans think of depression we tend to associate it as something "bad", as something bad that happened to us or our loved ones. It can evoke feelings of pity, shame, denial and guilt. Which is sad, considering that what generally can cause depression in people is some very hard and turbulent situations, that have been experienced by the person who ends up suffering from depression. Likewise, depression can develop from seemingly nothing or no reason, but if its really drilled down into the core of it's source. People find it comes from something that is deeply felt, but isn't acknowledged, whether by choice or because it's hard for people to recognise it as this at it's core.
We as humans process the external world in the following way:
1. We receive input from an external source, i:e noise, smell, taste, vision, touch, feel. From there it produces an instant sensation within us and then it is processed through the lens of our perception and understanding.
2. It then creates an emotion, mood or experience via the release of chemicals that are triggered, (again based on our perception, usually developed through previous learned patterns and beliefs).
The level to which it affects us is based on our perception, strength of belief and awareness.
3. We then adjust our internal space to adapt or react to the external stimuli...
Usually this all happens so fast most of us aren't even aware of the process, its usually the emotion or mood that is felt and then we sometimes recognise that something significant has happened.
The thing is something can act as a trigger and no matter how small, it can have large impact and quite severe after effects. It can feel really large to one person and really minor to another. It's important to acknowledge this if we are to create and live in a more conscious world. You see we all have a story and we tend to make the things we experience fit into that story, we will literally change the context of something to fit our internal narrative!
So why not step back and change the narrative, the story we have either heard or developed from a variety of sources. Why can't we change the concepts and constructs we currently have in place around mental health.
People tend to unconsciously talk about anything the mind is processing as negative, as a problem. If a person isn't "happy" there must be something wrong! I say that in itself is wrong! I know for me personally I have experienced moments of pure bliss and joy in the midst of despair! I think people should be made aware that it is completely NORMAL to have intense conflicting emotions after big changes. It is NORMAL and HEALTHY to feel sad, angry, lost, confused, guilty, ashamed, hate, happy, joy, loved, loving, compassionate, like anything that's needed to be felt really...!
By changing the narrative, the story around how humans adapt to change, as not just do or die, but a sense of confusion that pre-cedes adjustment. So confusion at its core, but remember that confusion implies a mixture of elements that is hard to decipher, and isn't that literally the experience of depression... the mixture of emotions, sensations and moods that are hard to decipher and generally take months and years to find a place in our "story"... I would liken it to the grieving process...
Most people don't handle change well, in fact majority of people will do the most extraordinary things to avoid change. This is what I feel causes harder and longer depressions, people fear what they do not know or understand, and so ultimately the resistance to change causes more pain, more stress whether that physical, emotional, physiological, psychological and spiritual stress. And stress my dear human beings is the number one cause of death!
The thing is people don't talk about their mental health as easily and openly as their physical health. Most people will openly tell you about a sore back or broken ankle... But talking about their sore heart and "seemingly broken mind" is not something people open up about unless they feel safe. By safe I mean in an environment that is non-judgemental, which is rare to find. Yes, granted these days there is way more awareness around mental health but it is still so very much misunderstood. Even where it is an open topic for discussion the "way" in which we talk about has developed into something thats negative! I mean when we break an ankle, we know that it will be around 6 weeks and we will have healed, we don't see that as negative! We see that as awesome, we see it as our bodies knowing how to heal itself and we don't judge it.
You see I noticed that every time I experienced a bout of depression I come out a different, clearer more driven person than what I was previously. .. In hindsight it almost feels like I refocused and re-invented myself into a clearer more understanding person each time. Usually the reasons I went into a depression was because I was completely overwhelmed by massive emotions that had developed from experiences, those being emotional/social maturity changes, major life changes, confusing and convoluted situations and I was struggling to adjust and find understanding about how it all was affecting me. I was forever trying to find the meaning of it all, the why? The what was it all for?
I've been battling depressive episodes on and off in my life since I was 9! I had periods of feeling suicidal through-out the first 24 years of my life, and anxiety just goes hand in hand with depression for me. However I have suffered from anxiety without depression too. Anxiety for me, can be a pre-lude, an after effect or consequence of depression. It can be the only symptom I feel to a really big adjustment in my life.
I believe what we call depression is a stage of deep analysis and reflection.. it can feel very disconcerting, scary, lonely and ultimately overall confusing. Its usually a time that we find ourselves looking inwards even if we are trying to avoid it, we usually at the least become aware that we are not feeling "happy" or content. We may not be aware or conscious enough to figure out why, but we do tend to realise that we feel like something is very wrong! Let's change that to, that something has changed within us and it is to be observed, not labelled! That though the emotions may be overall uncomfortable, and mostly painful its is a very NORMAL part of something that we must be processing...
I have met allot of people and out of everyone I've ever met only two people have told me they haven't experienced some type of depression or downer.. now whether they were just born with innate productive coping mechanisms to change that works for them, or they were in a complete denial of anything that didn't conform to their perception is to be seen, regardless I believe that not only is depression the norm.. it is necessary, and ultimately it is needed for human evolution.. resilience through resistance is what makes us stronger, makes us realise our worth better... When we overcome a bout of depression we tend to feel stronger, we tend to feel worthier and we value ourselves and everything around us more. It almost gives us a sense of achievement.
That's all good stuff right! I think it is, but again I feel the narrative should read "After adjusting and processing that massive change, I have once again found acceptance and peace with my new situation". All of the feelings of over-coming the "depression" are still present, but it comes from a gentler place. A space of non-judgement, one of understanding and patience, of knowing that what we overcame wasn't a bad thing, but that we just went through a transition stage or process.
As I wrap up my thoughts on this reflection I want to re-iterate that no-matter at what stage of transition or depression you are at, that its okay to be there, its normal and that doing whatever you need to do to help yourself get through this process, adjustment or adaption to whatever you're experiencing is okay. That there is always a brighter day. To know that there are lots of sources of support and services that can be found, if one has the strength to just turn on the light and do a google search! These days understanding and help can just be a click away, that is something that is great with the way society is evolving.
I want to contribute towards the change that is occurring by talking about depression, anxiety and suicide openly and always... To help create a new narrative around what it means to experience a depression in life... please notice how I worded that! Anyway, I will be writing and talking more about depression, anxiety and suicide in the future. Stay Tuned!
Written By
Crestina Drew
Please Note:
Everything in this post is subjective, I have written based on my own personal experiences with depression, anxiety and suicide and likewise understand that there is no one blanket rule for all.
I acknowledge that the experience of depression can be fatal. Trust me I know, however this post is meant to be for entertainment purposes and to open up a different broader view point to consider when feeling depressed in life. Please always see your doctor and never take medical advice from online sources.
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