I had a post come up on Facebook memories and I couldn't help but share my thoughts, considering its been such a significant change in my life since posting it!
One of the biggest things I've had to reteach myself, is that I am safe. I don't have to be a warrior all the time. I can be gentle and successful. I can be gentle and worthy. I can be gentle and motivated.
That part of me that is my warrior or my (masculine shield), has been a shield I've lived behind for over 25 years. I have operated in the mentality that it's "do or die", and "I can and will do it by myself", and "I don't need anyone!".
I would beat myself up if I ever needed to ask for help, I would avoid putting myself in positions where I was vulnerable.. I prided myself on always being busy and independent.
However, what that did for me was keep me in a state of fight or flight, I never relaxed. My cortisol and adrenalin where always elavated. Mentally I had to be building something, doing something, caring for someone... I needed to be helping people because it validated that I was a good helpful person, I now choose to do that because its the kind thing to do, not because I'm trying to prove something to myself.
I never stopped trying to show that I was a warrior, that I was strong and independent. I had to be the warrior you see, the helper, the strong single mum, the strong homeless teenager, the strong mum of of six, and again in life, the strong single mum...
It served its purpose being driven by "the warrior mentality", it got me through when I needed it, but I've learned that I don't have to be be strong to prove that I'm good enough. I'm good enough just as I am. I can be weak, I can feel like I don't have it all together and that's okay... ITS OKAY! Because it's all a journey right! And that part of me that is the warrior can always be called upon.. I just don't have to use it all the time..
A big part of re-teaching myself this, is being extremely present and aware of how my nervous system is responding to any given situation. The moment I start tensing, I know my gaurd is starting to come up and that means that my automatic response of "I'm strong, Ive got this kicks in"...
Look thats not a bad thing when its a conscious response to legitimate situations.. but its shouldn't be activated from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep...
Going grocery shopping can be enjoyable, not a rush. When you're intensely present and not trying to see what comes next. Learning to drop into my feminine, is learning that rest and relaxing is just as important as action. As humans we need both, stillness and movement.. peace and noise.. slow and fast... receiving and giving...
It does not mean be apathetic or passive in life, but simply being more conscious and deliberate in all my actions and choices.. I can be consistent, deliberate and yet live a gentle life... I canbe quiet and yet profoundly impactful...
So I see this post, that I shared a few years ago when my whole life was falling alrt yet again, and think... big love to me warrior girl, you did good! It's just now we know how to put the sword down, and only use when needed🗡✨️🤍
Thankyou for reading!
Crestina Drew
Conscious Living Institute
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